spike (spikenheimer) wrote,

  • Mood:


there are many things that trigger self reflection for me. sometimes i feel like writing it sometimes not.
lots of things have been going through my head lately. some good, some bad. there has definately a larger amount of bad than good and that's never something i like to have happen.
i've been feeling beat down lately. work is defiately the cause. if it wasn't work it wouldnt be called work right? it'd be called fun. or that place that pays me every 2 weeks for having fun. Spocky pipes in that she misses me around the house too. or maybe shes just hungry. or bored. or fickle.
anyways, i miss a lot of things from my 2 year sabbatical. i long for the days where i can live that way again, but i'm sad that i dont see it happening for many years. (unless i find a substantial amount of money on my way to work today)
i made a lot of new friends, some of whom became really close friends. i found a lot of things out about myself. i found out that i am still swayed/manipulated/convinced by beauty and desire. i guess what i find myself doing right now is changing yet again. this time, its a little more subtle, a little less a change of what i am, or who i am. and this time, i'm not changing for one girl. this time i'm changing for 80 girls. or maybe its really i'm changing for me.
we'll see what happens. but for now i think i understand why i'm feeling very much on an island.
hop on the ferry. it will get you to the island while i rebuild the bridge.
Tags: life
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