i know i'm a very different spike than what was around a year ago. even 6 months ago i was different. hell. 6 weeks ago even. maybe even 6 hours ago.
i have a food column to write up for thursday. i dont know if i can do it. its been getting a lot harder for me to write lately, and this week is no exception. if anything its gotten a lot harder lately.
my head has been relatively straight the last few months, i've avoided the big blowups i'd imagineered in the past with good friends, and now that the band thing is finally coming together, the self confidence is pretty decent. Of course, the skating has dropped a bit of my self confidence - but i should really categorize that as my skating self confidence. its a challenge. and its a good one. i like it. plus i now have a barometer for getting into shape. endurance and speed are really important goals for me if i am to skate in the middle and ref there. i dont want to be the lameoid penalty box ref forever. although it is certainly a nice break.
there will always be certain things that frack my headspace up. and probably 98% of the time those things are going to be girl related. I just need to find myself a girl worthy of my attention. or more importantly a girl who wants the attention who is worthy of it.
theres a lot of things that i am doing now, that i really dont think i would have imagined happening a few years ago. retrospection is always very insightful, and self insight is good to go through.
in closing, i guess i really like who i am now. i mean, i liked who i was before? but theres parts of me that are more whole now than there ever were. and thats cool. you know what the best part of being me is? all my friends who are there for me and help support me when the craziness comes back into my head. friends - you all rock.