January 20th, 2008



i'm overwhelmed by things right now. i have to do so much all because some d-bag decided to drive in a car that had no brakes. i'm not really good with stress anymore. its like i used to handle so much that once i realized what was making me feel horrible i no longer can handle large amounts of stress and it seems like things that other people would handle w/o any issue totally overwhelms me.
last week was bad for me. actually it has been a shitty way to kick off a year. hell, to end a year. i'm not really happy with my life right now. ironically i love my job. its fun, i love the people and the energy, and of course the discount. but you know... my life feels like it was better when i was more carefree. now i feel like i'm worried more about money and things and ... i dunno.
i keep telling myself that i have a fracking great life. i'm financially well off to the point where i can piss away my life doing part time retail and a indie dot com startup. but i distinctly feel a void. i'm really bad at filling that relationship column in my life and i'm starting to think i'll never fill that void. i'm starting to think that i'll never live up to what my potential was, or what was expected of me. i'm feeling a bit morose tonight again. a part of me wonders if this is due to the lack of cameraderie i get from derby. i think i need to start going back to practices and so forth. hell, part of it is probably that lack of exercise from not skating for 2 months...